Are Computers Getting Too Powerful?

I base this solely on the fact that I have just entered the fourth hour of installing and setting up my Christmas present.

Four hours!? Used to be you could install a game in the time it took for the kettle to boil, I've had 2 coffees and 2 teas! This is ridiculous!

Where Are The Flying Cars?

I've often wondered why the tube is SO much busier than the subway, and it's partly because the tunnels and therefore the trains are much smaller.

Trains can run as frequently as you like but if you can only fit 12 people in them it doesn't matter.

There's no room to stand! Positively claustrophobic at times. Also, it's too expensive! For the amount you have to pay in London you should be to your destination in 5 minutes, get a free cup of tea and a similarly quintessentially English cake of some description. Instead it takes a week, via 3 other places after standing on a platform watching numerous full to capacity trains roll by and you're lucky if you avoid the nightmarish prospect of a replacement bus service.

Trouble is, it's a rather difficult thing to improve. How do you enlarge tunnels and trains without catastrophically stopping services? You can't. Any attempt to elongate trains and platforms would suffer the same. So we're screwed. Unless flying cars finally become commonplace. I was told there would be flying cars by now. And domes over cities. Also aliens. I've wandered from topic. Even if flying cars were available, I'm sure they'd merely hasten the end of the world with inevitable pollutants.

Wow, this was supposed to be an amusing post. I'm gonna go before I depress everyone.

Karma. It's A Load Of Rubbish Isn't It?

This one's been coming a while. A week in fact.

Karma is rubbish. Evidence - I have helped about two dozen strangers carry stuff to and from the subway in the last three months, mostly baby carriers. Thus, Karma says that when I am carrying two heavy suitcases across the city, some random stranger will come to my assistance...

What's With The Snow?

"It never snows in England." - to quote me last week.

"What's with the snow?" - to quote me, in England, yesterday.

Apparently it's not even the first snow of the year either. So what's going on? Is it a slow motion version of 'The Day After Tomorrow'?

Anyway, I'm back online after a brief absense, change of country, but I'll still be complaining. In fact, probably more than ever...

Are All Ginger Men Stupid?

Well, so far on this blog, I think I've managed to "out" myself as an Arsenal fan, a Jayhawk fan and I'm sure I've alluded to the fact that I'm a Democrat enough times for you to guess for yourselves. But this one is potentially disastrous for my reputation. I have red hair!

They are our cowards, our clowns and our idiot kids. They are our eccentrics, our insane and our bamboozled.

From Chuckie [Rugrats] to Ron Weasley [both of whom had family members that shared the ginger curse] and from the cable idiot from the Verizon ad's to the stupid Stanley Steemer kid, almost every ginger male on TV is useless.

The "positive" ginger men on TV? That guy from CSI Miami? Errr... The dude from Band of Brothers and Life. Does that about cover it. And having never watched CSI Miami, he could be a douche too for all I know.

I've seen the ginger kids episode of South Park. It's absolutely hilarious. So don't take this completely like I have no sense of humor. Because if you can't laugh at yourself then what's the point?

But in all seriousness. If every Black or Hispanic man on TV was an idiot, would that be cool?

How Could You Nebraska?

First of all, let me assure you, this is the last post about the election. I swear!

There's still no election result from Missouri. Errrr...

Having said that, it looks highly unlikely that the result will be anything other than a McCain win there. Truthfully, the point of this blog is to complain about Nebraska.

Damn you Nebraska!

That ONE electoral vote going to Obama in Nebraska has spoiled my election prediction. How could you Nebraska? And you had to beat my Jayhawks too? That's not on. Not at all.

Don't You Hate Coin Tosses In Sport?

I do. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE fan of the Patriots losing. Nothing in football is better. But having a sudden death overtime where a coin toss decides who has possession is kind of ridiculous.

Unfortunately, it's not the only sport in which coin tosses can make a big impact. In cricket, coin tosses can have a huge impact with preferable weather and pitch conditions.

The question is, what do you replace them with. I know nothing about the history of the NFL, has it always been this way? Would it not just be better to play another period of the game without sudden death? And in cricket, someones gotta go first. I guess in the end it comes down to the fact that life's not fair, so get on with it.

How Many Years Of Bad Luck?

OK. So if you break a mirror, that's 7 years bad luck.

A cat year is worth 7 human years.

So if a kitty breaks a mirror, does it get 7 years bad luck or 1 year bad luck, in human time?

Also, the cat get's the bad luck right? It doesn't transfer onto the owner or anything... right?

Can You Stop Making Me Feel So Old?

Well, it's official, I'm old. 25 and a half. The football (soccer) team I support (Arsenal) fielded a side with an average age below 19 last night. 19! There was a guy in the team who was 16. 16! And they won too.

At this point 9 years ago, what was I doing? Getting my braces removed maybe. Participating in a game of high school cricket perhaps. Wondering why girls didn't like me [it was the hair, and the personality and many other things including a complete lack of cool]. But in all probability I was playing football at the park and scoring many a goal against my friends.

And the high point of my footballing life came between the ages of 18 and 21 at uni. Scoring a goal in the cup final in front of about 100 people. This 16 year-old just played in front of 60,000 and was awesome. Born in the 90's. THE 90'S!!! I remember ALL of the 90's.

Bloody hell, imagine how old I'll feel in 10 or 20 years time! It's too much! Stop making me feel so old!

When Can I Have The Hiccups Again?

It's been years. I think perhaps an entire decade has passed, during which time the world has changed profoundly (sarcasm). Elections have been "won", countries have been formed, sporting events of ridiculousness have occurred, but no hiccups.

Is it strange to not get hiccups for that whole time? I've looked into the causes of hiccups, and I have ticked almost every box from time to time! Especially spicy food and alcohol.

Is it weird that I want the hiccups? Perhaps, but when I was a kid I remember thinking it was fun to have them, so when can I have the hiccups again?

Why Can't Shops Be More Like Bus Stops?

Bear with me. Now maybe I'm overly critical on this one. As a Brit, I come from the home of lines (or queues as we like to call them). Furthermore, it is seen as one of the great crimes of British society to cut in line. Worse than murder some say [disclaimer: this is not true]

But some of the recent attempts at forming a line that I have been witness to in NYC have been just pathetic. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that it's not even the thought of careless people most of the time. It's design problems. Shops are guilty of trying to force people to buy stuff even as they wait in line. This causes congestion and people wandering in and out of lines to grab stuff they can't find anywhere else (I had to do this to grab Chocolate Pretzels at a Whole Foods recently). Thus the integrity of lines are compromised.

Also, subway stations. Oh dear God subway stations. Some of these suck. A harder problem to resolve due to their location and age. I'm guessing when they were built, such a large number of people weren't envisaged to be crowding the platform. This is a similar problem in London. Although at least there, there seems to be an effort to modernize, causing a hit to my wallet admittedly.

But design an area for forming a line well, or simply don't clutter it with stuff, and I'm confident there would be far less line related problems. Look at bus stops. They're just an open area to stand in. I never see problems at bus stops.

Isn't A Special Section Going A Bit Far?

Well, if I thought Obama-mania in the UK was a bit much before, it's now gone through the roof.

The BBC News website actually has a devoted "Obama Presidency" section. Isn't that insane? Expectations are rather high evidently. Hopefully those particularly liberal individuals out there won't be too annoyed when President Obama starts making decisions from the center.

Which is the smart way about going about it in my opinion. The U.S. is essentially a country divided in half between their two parties and if you want change, it has to be relatively slowly.

Sure, having control of both houses of Congress and the White House, you could probably push through your own agenda, but you'll alienate many. Then, when ousted from power, change can be rolled back.

The center is the way to go. Or maybe slightly to the left...

Why Does It Have To Be So Dark So Early?

I hate it when the clocks go back. It's half past 4 and it's almost completely dark. It's depressing!

At college it was kinda fun. I think during winter in college I was lucky to see the sun for an hour a day. But it's not fun anymore.

As an evening person (as opposed to those weird morning people that I can't understand) the winter sucks. I'm fine with cold weather, although the rain in England can take it a bit far at times, but too much darkness is just maddening.

We need to do something as a planet to combat this. Perhaps the installation of a 2nd sun? Maybe I'll just move nearer the equator, but then I'll just complain that it's too hot.

Have I Watched Too Many Movies?

I have come to the conclusion that there must be an alien attack coming our way. Or maybe a huge-ass asteroid is gonna wipe us out. Because why else would anybody need thousands of nuclear devices?

An actual nuclear war is not winnable - everybody loses and everybody has known that for a while (M.A.D.) so there won't be one. So the only reason you might need one is to destroy the occasional nut-job with a death wish.

So why bother with the huge arsenals? Aliens, that's why.

Election Madness?

Today is insane. Absolutely amazing.

I have never seen anything like this kind of energy and enthusiasm for politics. It's difficult to get interested in British politics, let alone excited and this is almost a completely different sport.

I think the motivation of the electorate can only be a good thing, although I can't help thinking the "Founding Fathers" are turning in their respective graves, what with Article One of the Constitution being about the legislative branch, not the executive.

But it's not only Americans that are excited by this election. European's are obsessed with it, and far be it for me to speak for the whole world, but it seems like the entire globe is watching.

Let's hope for a conclusion without controversy.

Is There Anything More Annoying Than An Umbrella?

Why oh why is it so difficult to control an umbrella? Honestly people, spatial awareness is something that I've witnessed in a one-eyed kitten!

I've been baffled by this worldwide incompetence for years. All you need to do is make sure you don't hit the people coming towards you, surely? Then there's people who try and use one in hurricane force winds. It ain't gonna work!

Then there's the classic people that stand on subway steps putting their umbrella up or down whilst an increasingly annoyed crowd of people accumulates behind them.

Umbrella's are extremely flawed pieces of equipment, sometimes it's better just to get wet.

Halloween - Should I Be Afraid?

Let me first point out that it's not because I'm scared of ghosts and ghouls. Although I must admit to intensely disliking clowns. It's more the fear of being overwhelmed by crowds of mad people high as a kite on sugar and/or booze.

America does Halloween different to anywhere else I've ever been. It's HUGE here. Just walking past costume stores yesterday with lines to get in the store before selecting a costume and then joining another lengthy line to purchase the thing. Craziness.

And there have been specials on candy and chocolate for at least a month in almost every pharmacy I've been in. Which in itself is weird, although not as weird as the fact that they sell cigarettes, surely?

Anyway, as I head out to prepare for a (hopefully) relatively relaxed October 31st, the question I ask is: should I be afraid?

Can Nobody Just Sell A Couch Without Hidden Costs?

I can understand if you want to charge a delivery fee for a couch. Totally. But isn't there anybody out there who doesn't hide it until after you've already arranged for the bloody thing to arrive?

Seriously, you set up a date for it to come and then a day later get told about extra costs? No. You know what, you can f*** right off. I'd prefer to balance my ass on a Swiss exercise ball thing thanks.

If you want to charge, just say so before putting people through the hassle you scumbags.

Is America About To Elect JFK II?

This is not entirely a compliment to Senator Obama.

JFK has the reputation as an absolute legend, granted, but in terms of actual accomplishments, he wasn't so hot. Now you can talk about "what he would of done if he wasn't assassinated" or his laudable intentions until the cow comes home, but the fact of the matter is, he didn't do as much as his enormous reputation would suggest.

Hell, if it came down to intentions, LBJ would be right up there, but we know how that turned out.

Senator Obama and President Kennedy share a huge talent as orators also. The 30 minute campaign show tonight certainly highlighted the Senator's abilities in that department. But the hard part is living up to promises, and a failure here could be catastrophic to America. Both literally, in terms of the economy especially, and in a particular blow to those in the electorate who are new to believing in politics, because they may not again. Ever.

So I would hope that America is not about to elect JFK II, because it needs something better.

Of course, this all assumes that Senator McCain doesn't "do a Truman" and bring it back from the brink...

Is It Wrong To Post, When It's Not A Complaint?

Hooray! New wine shop in town!

It's run by a hilarious Russian family, who are very nice and without any trace of arrogance. The wine even came with a free Russian chocolate!

Hooray!

Does Anyone Answer The Phone When They Don't Recognize The Number Anymore?

I usually ignore calls from numbers I don't know, because I'm anti-social and if it's important, they'll leave a message. But it seems to me recently that the number of calls from God knows who has drastically increased.

The last three hailing from Columbus - NE, Fort Worth - TX and Tucson - AZ.

So I Googled the numbers and apparently they're all scam type things. Is this a recent development to the world or just me?

I actually used to enjoy wrong numbers back in the day. My favorite of all time was the morning I got 3 phone calls from a woman in Slovakia. But now it appears hilarity has been usurped by dirty gits trying to get cash.

Freedom Of Speech Is Fine, But Sometimes, Isn't A Whisper Enough?

OK, you're preaching on a rush hour subway train. I'm fine with that. Even if the things you say don't fit with my ideas, I respect you have the right to say them, even if it is distracting me from my zombie book.

But come on, there must be more efficient methods of gaining converts. People at rush hour [myself included] are probably at their least tolerant and least likely to listen to what you have to say, especially if they haven't finished their first coffee of the day. And when you've only got one point, repeating it for 10 minutes isn't gonna win you too many followers.

Protesting - also fine. Please protest if you feel your rights are being impugned, but if you're gonna use whistles to grab people's attention, what part of your brain thinks that waiting until they are right next to you before blowing it in their ears is gonna make them sympathize with you and help fight your cause?

If you have principles and are brave enough to stand up and fight for them, then more power to you. But remember you also have the right to think.

In The Event Of Nuclear War, Is There Anywhere Safer Than Brooklyn?

I've been to a fair few places in the U.S. now and have occasionally noticed a fall-out shelter or two. Particularly in urban areas, for good reason. But wow, Brooklyn must be the founder, spiritual home and capital city of fall-out shelters, because there are more of them here than there are places to post mail.

I can think of 6, within a 5 minute walk from where I'm currently sitting and it's not like I've done a substantial check for them either. Maybe I should, a map of fall-out shelters; you never know when it's gonna come in useful.

Having grown up outside the U.S., and during the very end of the Cold War, I must admit to being fairly ignorant on the places. Do you hear a siren and just go and hide? If it became crowded, would I, as a foreigner be booted out into an inhospitable wasteland (no offense Brooklyn)? Back in the day, were they well maintained and supplied?

All interesting questions. But most importantly: In the event of nuclear war, is there anywhere safer than Brooklyn?

Why Make Voting MORE Complicated?

Is it not enough trying to make a decision between politicians by sifting through what they say is true and what's not (see Fact Checkers?! Really!?) without then bamboozling the electorate with random methods of voting?

Plan A: Names on paper, mark the ones you wanna vote for. Easy.

OR

Plan B: Have numerous different systems of voting, some of which require a manual. Huh?

I understand the reasoning, the USA is a big country, so modernization or computerization makes the counting process faster and, theoretically at least, more accurate. And I get that the Constitution gives States the right to use their own system. Then there's the whole voting for a hundred different things at the same time thing.

But come on. Surely a pen and paper(s), a large number of booths and boxes with holes in, and people that are both numerate and literate to count the blasted things would prevent a whole lot of confusion.

Anyway, as the saying goes; "Vote early, vote often"

Fact Checkers!? Really!?

I might be a touch late on this one, but surely the existence of "Fact Checkers" after a televised debate between candidates running to be President of a country is openly admitting the fact that they are lying to the people they want to lead whenever they damn well please?

Voter: "Sure, I'll vote for you you cheeky scamp, as long as you stop that whole lying thing when you get in power."

Presidential Candidate: "Of course I will."

Fact Checker: "Actually, I think the candidate misspoke there. What he actually meant to say was 'Of course I won't', but, under the pressure of a televised debate, you can understand such a blip."

Hu-wuh?

Is Knowledge Of Wine Directly Proportional To Arrogance?

People that work in wine stores. What's the deal there?

There seem to be 2 prevalent types of wine store employee. The first is the one that doesn't know anything, but assists as well as they can, but only if asked. The second is knowledgeable, forceful in assisting and arrogant as hell.

Speaking as a former wine shop employee (6 months of part-time hell) I very much fit into the first category. I STILL know nothing about wine. If someone got confused I would point out the system in place (1-4 scales of dryness for example) in an attempt at help. I would stoically refuse to push the wines I was told to, in my own small way of "sticking it to the man".

But the employee that forces their opinion onto you and demands your wine drinking history with an air of arrogance, is perhaps one of the most annoying things in the retail industry. Kudos to the individual who recently lost his shop 2 potentially regular customers, through inexplicable rudeness. I wonder why that shop always seems empty...

Given the choice I would prefer poorer wine from a dubiously named shop full of incompetents thank you very much.

How Do Kitties Know?

If there's one thing in the room that the Kitty shouldn't play with, she'll find it, and play with it.

If there's a single breakable item, in a warehouse of unbreakable stuff, she'll find it, and break it.

If there's one glass of water within reach along with a thousand toys, she'll head straight for that water and spill it.

If you're sad, she'll love you, if you're happy, she'll play with you and if you're tired, she'll nap with you.

How do Kitties know?